This is the path of my healing. In my 40’s, I woke to the truth of my place- the family scapegoat, the silent bearer of blame. I had never known the name for the weight I carried, but once spoken, it echoed through the chambers of my life, and I saw how abuse, shame, and rejection had written themselves into my bones.
Guided by a gentle therapist, lifted by steadfast friends, and strengthened by kind souls who offered their own stories like lanterns in the dark, I began to unravel the knots within me. A pivotal chapter of my healing began with a slender 139-page book by Rebecca C. Mandeville- Rejected, Shamed, & Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the the Family Scapegoat Role. This books pages became both a mirror and map, guiding me toward parts of myself I had thought could not be healed. I invite anyone who finds their way to my blog to seek their own copy of the extraordinary work. Much of what I share here was born from the book’s questions, it’s quiet courage, and it’s unflinching light. https://www.scapegoatrecovery.com/introduction-to-family-scapegoating-abuse-recovery-ebook/
It and other books and stories have been the companions I never knew I needed- helping me to unweave the tangled threads of my childhood and spin them anew into something whole and true. Healing, I’ve come to realize, does not move in a straight line; it ebbs and curves like a series of cursive e’s inscribed across the pages of my life.
As my nervous system is softening, the world has begun to shift quietly, wondrously. One day my fingernails began to grow- proof even the small things know when it is safe to bloom. Another, I drove through roaring traffic, munching on a fast food burger, speaking freely on the phone, where once I trembled behind the wheel.
I say I was the family scapegoat. Perhaps I always will be, for she lives within me, a ghost woven from childhood’s earliest threads. But she no longer rules me. I am not that fragile, freighted child. I am rising and I wear my wings of Ash with pride.
*Posts were refined with the help of AI-based language tools to enhance clarity and style during the revision process. All final decisions and edits were made by the author